“If you’re in the talking stage, you’re NOT single”

“If we’re talking, we’re pre-dating”

Wrong, wrong, and yet again, wrong. Truthfully, you can “talk” to whomever you want whenever you choose. The idea that we can only talk to one person at a time is childish. In fact, bringing the “talking” stage with you into your twenties is childish. Whatever happened to dating?

The talking stage is not real– thus, why I called it a myth. It’s something we created as kids to express that we were “romantically” involved with someone; that we liked them and they liked us back, but we were too young to be dating age because we still couldn’t go on dates without our parents chaperoning.

Somewhere in the midst of puberty and virginities, we somehow forgot about dating entirely. We began to equate dating with being in a monogamous relationship with another person. This led to the thinking that we begin talking to someone in an effort to begin a relationship with that person.

We end up bringing the “talking” stage with us well into our adult years with the addition of casual sex. Be honest with yourself– when it comes to our relationships, we’re either together or we’re just having sex. When we get too comfortable with our situationships, we rely on the fact that we’re “talking” to still lay claim to them. It says, “I’m not their person, but their still not single enough to talk to other people.”

Eventually, you have to come to grips with the fact that you may just be wasting your time with them. Believe me, when someone is serious about you and wants more with you, they will let you know and you won’t have to question it.

The whole institution of dating is different. Here, dare I say it, but we millenials have killed dating.

I’ve talked to my male friends about it before asking them, “when do you take a girl on a date?” For the most part, these cheapy the cheapskate men said after she comes over and hangs out with them multiple times. A majority of them agreed that it wasn’t wise to even take her out on a date until she slept with them first.

We women no longer get wined and dined, so we have to appreciate it even more when we do. Meanwhile, we wait and try to prove ourselves to ashy people so we can get to the dating point with them. While they… wait for it… live their lives and sleep with other people.

“What’s understood doesn’t need to be explained” is the favorite line for people sleeping with other people. It sounds good because we subscribe to sharing all our business with our timelines, but it’s also code for they want you but they don’t want to explain who you are to others because they’re keeping their options open. Know the difference when picking who you’re pursuing.

Now, I’m not saying just throw everything away and sleep with the next person you see (though, I won’t fault you if you do). All I’m saying is feel free to taste the samples! Find what works for you. Nobody is saying you have to sleep with more than one person at a time, but you are allowed to DATE. There is a whole world outside a person’s bedroom, and the right one won’t make you feel like you’re competing for a space in their bed.

I no longer say I’m talking to anyone. We’re either dating or I don’t have a reason to bring you up. I hang out in people’s spots all the time and I call them FRIENDS. If I hang out with you, please don’t say we’re anything but friends. Just because I hang out with you, that doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with you either. If you take me on a date, that doesn’t mean I’m sleeping with you. Your chances MIGHT be higher if you took me on a date though.